Freelance

Same Old Mistakes

Am I making the same mistakes that the women in my life have already made?

Am I just with someone who I hope will eventually change?

Shouldn’t I know better by now? If I don’t like the way they are now, what’s the chances of them changing? Why be with someone that has certain things I don’t like?

Compromising. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Why I want to be with him:

  • I am very attracted to him
  • I do love him
  • He’s transformed from a stranger into my best friend.
  • He’s always there for me when I need him. He supports me and helps me whenever he can
  • He’s made me a better human being. He’s helped me work towards becoming the woman I want to be
  • He’s funny, even if I act like I don’t always laugh at his jokes he does make me happy
  • He’s open minded and loves to explore new ideas
  • He’s in school. I like an educated man
  • He loves learning new things
  • He has a vast knowledge in arts (one of my favourite hobbies to delve in); specifically music and film and even some visual
  • We’re both in love with food
  • He knows how to make me feel good
  • I can talk to him every single day and never get sick of him
  • He wants to make me happy and his happiness is my happiness
  • He’s got a really sweetheart. He cares for his mother, he cares about his family, cares about his friends and cares about me and I really admire that
  • He’s a family man. He wants to be a father someday and he’ll be an amazing one. I hope we have one daughter so he can raise her to be confident and self assured because she’ll have him by her side. And his sons will be wonderful men. I can’t wait to start a family with him
  • He’s a careful man takes risks when feasible but otherwise, he would rather play it safe
  • He never gives up on me. No matter what we grow through or how I treat him when I’m upset he never gives up on me.
  • He may not have money at the moment but overall he’s pretty responsible with his money and doesn’t overextend himself
  • Overall he’s a responsible person I would say
  • He’s a perfectionist (like me)
  • He’s clean
  • He’s a hard-worker and a good worker
  • Even as an introvert he can sometimes come out of his shell and be really outgoing and fun once you get to know him- getting to see that is probably the best part about dating an introvert. It’s like being let into a secret club where you get to see them come out of their shell and feel at ease
  • He feels comfortable with me (for the most part) he claims his anxiety levels go down when I’m around him and I’m glad that’s something I can do for him
  • I love his smile and his laugh
  • He lights up my day more often than not

What I’m afraid will be a problem in the future:

  • Because he likes to make me happy – he’ll do things he may not necessarily want to do just because I want him to. And I want him to be happy too
  • Because he’s an introvert by nature – he’s not just going to be outgoing and fun with everyone. It’s just for a special select few and therefore not everyone I introduce him to will get to see that. In a way it’s super special and sweet and in another way I just wish he could be the way he is with me or his with others. But I understand that I can’t control this and maybe he can’t either.
  • Sometimes I wish he was a little more outgoing and social – kinda like the life of the party but I can’t change him
  • He doesn’t like most of my friends and therefore I’ll never get to spend time with him and them simultaneously – whenever I’m having a great time I always want him there to share the experience with him. But what I consider fun isn’t necessarily what he considers fun
  • I fear that he will never take interest in my culture or customs nor will he ever make the effort to learn about it

  • That he’ll become someone who casually drinks or depends on certain medication to feel more elated and productive. I guess it’s not thaaaatttt bad… but I would rather have someone that naturally has drive and ambition
  • He’s smart and brilliant and could do great things in a computer science program if he wanted to but he just doesn’t want to bother with it. I wish he could push through and do something that could make him happy and possibly put him in a better place financially in the future
  • I’m worried that both of our incomes may not be able to sustain the family we want
  • I’m scared we’ll always be struggling through family problems and money problems and or mental health
  • Sometimes I feel like I may never get to feel truly comfortable around him
  • Sometimes I feel that I’ll never be good enough for him
  • Even though he wants to be a parent I’m scared he might be lazy and not help out. We joke about it sometimes but I’m seriously so worried
  • I’m scared when we start living together he might just bum around while I do everything and I don’t want that I want a team player

I can’t foresee the future. I don’t know what will happen to us. But most of my fears have no real backing to them. They’re all just thoughts and fears that just come and go at some point. I don’t think I’m making the same old mistakes that the women before me made. I think I’ve found myself an amazing man and I’m lucky to have him despite the 1 or 2 things that I may have issues with. Compared to everything else he has to offer, I really can’t complain. A lot of the fears I have are just a battle with myself that I need to overcome. I’ve made mistakes that are now going to cost me in the future and I wish I was someone more successful but I’m in a position where that may be something that might not work out for me. It sucks that now I sort of feel dependent on both my partner and I to pull it together as best as we can to make it work for both of us and I just hope both of us really try to put the work in. Because it’s going to take a lot.

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