I’ve been wanting to write about this for some time now.
I’m so frustrated right now that I could gauge my eyes out. I’m burning with anger, and it might also be a touch of hunger. I’m sad. I’m annoyed. I want to cry from how many negative emotions I’m feeling but most of all I feel guilt. The worst feeling of all. The kind that makes my stomach churn acid into something sickly. Makes my lungs feel heavy. I hate it.
It’s confusing. I try not think about it too much because sometimes thinking about it makes me dizzy. I go in circles and circles trying to figure out what’s going on, and eventually, I get tired of it and just enjoy it instead. I don’t want to understand it anymore, or try to think about what he’s thinking about, or what he wants from me, or what his intentions are, or why he does what he does, I can’t keep asking, and I can’t keep thinking, I just have to remind myself to enjoy it for what it is.
Typically, my Saturdays consist of a shift at work till about 4pm or so. Anything goes from there, whether it’s just lazing around at home, spending time with my favourite, or whatever else I’d have to do. Housework perhaps.
My only day off in the week and it was perfect.
- Coffee date
- Video calls
- The Witcher 3
- Handwashing tutorials
- Fried chicken
- The Office
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
That’s all. Goodnight.
I was thinking about writing a more positive post today. Of course after work once I had some free time to sit down and relax. Possibly write things I like about myself (gross 🤢), or possibly just being grateful for what I have instead of complaining about what I don’t. Continue reading
Thursday night. Woke up at 7:45am because I overslept. Went for a short jog. Just worked 10am-3pm at the clinic, 4pm-8:30pm at the bank. Rushed in between both shifts to travel between both of them and change in attempt to look decent for the latter job. Did relatively well in both. Came home to find a whole bunch of chores still unfinished. I didn’t even want to come home. I’m out of k___. I have no where to go. Don’t feel like hitting up anyone. I’m just drained. The bank always takes a piece out of me and I always leave feeling absolutely miserable. My usual link didn’t reply – his mother in law did though. I’m not desperate enough to grab from her and be chinced. My other buddy wasn’t replying. Guess it’s just not meant to be. Poured myself 4 shots of Apple Crown in attempt to enjoy this utterly sad night. I’m home alone with my mom. We’re still not talking. I suppose now is a good time as any to talk to her but I really really am in no mood to do so. Nor do I have the drive. I didn’t even want to be home. I’ve been home every single day diligently for the past 2 weeks. I’m not sure if that’s what’s taking a toll on me or what. Continue reading