Personal

Regression.

Regression: when you take one step forward, only to take ten steps back.

I don’t know why, but the past few days, I’ve been back to spiralling downward into depression. I remember this feeling. It’s so familliar, and dark, and cold, and old. I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s like going to a place I never wanted to come back to. It’s like reliving a strange past that I thought I moved on from, but it seems like I’ve just repressed a lot of feelings and one moment in time brought it all back. Continue reading

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Memories, Personal

Guilt.

I’m so frustrated right now that I could gauge my eyes out. I’m burning with anger, and it might also be a touch of hunger. I’m sad. I’m annoyed. I want to cry from how many negative emotions I’m feeling but most of all I feel guilt. The worst feeling of all. The kind that makes my stomach churn acid into something sickly. Makes my lungs feel heavy. I hate it.

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Memories, Personal

Sunday at the Beach

It’s confusing. I try not think about it too much because sometimes thinking about it makes me dizzy. I go in circles and circles trying to figure out what’s going on, and eventually, I get tired of it and just enjoy it instead. I don’t want to understand it anymore, or try to think about what he’s thinking about, or what he wants from me, or what his intentions are, or why he does what he does, I can’t keep asking, and I can’t keep thinking, I just have to remind myself to enjoy it for what it is.

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