Freelance

Death by Shingles

Calling in sick on Tuesday was the best day I had in months. I helped my brother move into his new place. We did a lot the last two days. There’s still more to be done. I didn’t want to call in sick twice in row, because I saw how many emails I had coming in.

I’m so overwhelmed with work I could cry. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and disappointed in myself. My manager has given me tips and tricks on how to stay organized and how to stay on top of things — I’ve had no time to practice what she preached. It seems unrealistic when I have such an overflow of things coming in CONSTANTLY.

I have over a 100 revision emails to do, I had almost 200 customer requests (just in one day), and not to mention my other duties. I’ve luckily had people stepping in to support me. I don’t have to do allocations because I have way too much to do.

I want to just stick to 8 hours a day but I’m starting to realize that I have no choice. I have to catch up. I have to work overtime or I’ll never get rid of this.

I guess that’s what makes me sad, I don’t like being in a situation like this. I understand that ultimately it’s my choice. And I’ve made the choice week after week to do maybe an hour or two extra a day to keep up. But it’s not enough.

I’m not enough. I’m fucking burnt out. I’m exhausted. My eyes burn everytime I look at that damn laptop screen. I feel like my face is constantly frowning and I’m just constantly frustrated for 8 hours or more.

I don’t feel like its healthy. I have no choice but to stick through. Who’s going to hire me during COVID-19? Even worse who’s going to hire me when I start school in a few months? I just have to hold off a little longer.

The whole team is swamped, and somehow they’re managing. I feel like I haven’t talked to people as much lately because of how busy we are. I came here to write because I’m literally trying to sleep and all I want to do is cry because I feel like a failure.

I feel so defeated and exhausted. I worked for HOURS helping my brother move and I didn’t even feel that tired. I felt sleepy only because I didn’t sleep enough, but otherwise I pushed through and felt good and happy. I’m just sad to be back home now with my parents working from home doing this shitty job

I know I should be grateful for even having a job. I’m probably a brat for complaining but fuck it what the fuck is an anon blog for if I can’t even speak my mind?

With a heavy heart, I’m signing off.

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