You can’t get back together with him.
You will not get back together with him.
You’re just comfortable with him after all these years. You settled in your mind before dating him that this was your last chance at love and that you’ll never find better.
You always wanted him that’s true. You always had a crush on him, and now you got to have him for 3 years, what has he done for you in that time?
You told him you love handwritten cards. Tell me, how many times did he really do that for you? Without begging him to? Why was it so hard for him to write his thoughts on paper?
How many times did you help him with school work and house work. How many times did he ever help you? None.
You told him one of your love languages were words of affirmation. How did he respond? He told you it was mainly your responsibility and that it was stupid to want something like that. You don’t get words of affirmation at home like he does from his parents. His parents constantly praise him and compliment him and tell him who he is. You never had that and he failed to realize that and do that for you. He’s still right that I can affirm myself but having a partner that cares about you to also affirm things for you helps as well.
He was never the first to give a genuine compliment. You’d always say something sweet first which would then prompt him to do the same.
He treats you like how he taught you to treat your mom. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Ignore when you don’t want to hear it. Ignore when you don’t want to fight. A fight can’t start if you don’t respond. But that’s exactly how he treats you. You speak your mind, you say how you’re feeling, you express your frustrations, sometimes you even profess your love. He only responds to what he feels like. He’ll never respond to a negative thing about him, but throw a compliment and he’ll be right there to respond. The way he ignores you is hurtful because that’s not how you treat someone you love. You don’t leave them behind. It hurts to be ignored and you literally couldn’t ignore him if you tried. You can’t resist replying to him because you love him. He never had a problem ignoring you. For days, weeks, maybe even months. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t feel any sort of way leaving you on read. He always has the excuse that he’s a poor communicator and that “he’s bad at texting”.
Again, when you love someone you make it happen. It’s as simple as that. The first couple years we were just getting to know each other, I’d even say just the first year, but we were almost hitting 4 years and that’s more than enough time to know someone and know what their needs are and he never tried. He truly never did. He always said he tried, but there was never clear evidence of it. His favourite lines once you said to prove it was: “you just don’t see the things I do for you”, “you don’t notice what I do for you”, “I have nothing to prove to you if you can’t notice it”
He doesn’t want to try. The first year when he wanted to break up with you because he felt like you were asking for too much. That’s when you should have left. He set the precedent. He was clear and honest about his intentions. He was clear that this is who he was and he doesn’t plan on changing. You didn’t want to hear it. You didn’t want to believe him. That’s what hurt you in the end the most. Hopefully this is a lesson for you to learn that if they say that they don’t want to try for you; then stop giving them all of you because they do not deserve it. You’re worth more than how he treated you. You deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved, and if the person who says they love you tells you they don’t want to? Then I’m sorry, they don’t love you like they say they do. They don’t understand what it means to love someone. He never understood that, and he will never admit that he was wrong for hurting you.
He doesn’t respect you or your body. He thinks he’s entitled to your body just because he’s had it in the past. He doesn’t mind degrading you or making you feel low. He doesn’t mind telling you “truths” about his preferences towards you even if it means it hurts. He genuinely doesn’t mind having sex with you, busting a nut in you, and then leaving. He doesn’t understand that you actually love him, and that doing that is the most hurtful thing you could ever do. You’re capable of having casual sex, just not with someone you loved as deeply as you loved him
He has no problem leaving you. He’s quick to tell you that he still loves you and still wants you, but he doesn’t even try to show it. He’s always on the fence about being with you when he’s with you, no matter what you do or did for him. If you ever wanted something, you used to keep quiet about it. When he would ask you to speak up about what you wanted and you’d tell him – it was problematic because those were things he didn’t want to do. You were always forced to compromise. And whenever you’d do something for him he’d always say you’re doing it on your own accord and will and that he doesn’t force you to do it. That’s true, that’s correct but that doesn’t change the fact that you did things to make him happy, because you wanted to, and he chose not to do the same for you.
He’s selfish. The most he’s done about it is admitting that he is. You put returning the record back to you as one of the break up terms and he found his way around keeping it. The only thing he was able to fight for. The only thing he put all his effort into. He cared more about that than anything else you ever did for him. If anything, that’s probably the only reason he stuck around. He’s selfish, inconsiderate, and rude.
He openly admitted that he would never bond with my family or friends or ever try. A sure fire sign that he never intended on making me happy. My friends and cousins didn’t like him for me, but I was blinded in love by him. Seeing him admit it with absolutely no remorse is proof that he’s not the one. Let him go. Despite all the effort you put into his friends and family, it hurts that he would even want to say something like that. He’s ungrateful.
He was always cheap with you. He never minded spending hundreds of dollars on himself, when when it came to you, it was minimal. He never planned dates, he never wanted to take you out, nothing was ever “on him” cause we always split. Birthday gifts? Forget about it. You have a small teddy bear from him, he paid for dinner at sotto sotto and called it his gift, paid for museum tickets for a date once, some souvenirs from Jamaica, a face cream… what else? The fact that you can actually recall all the gifts he ever gave in the 3 years of being with you is sad. You bought all your concert tickets, you paid for all your own merch, you paid for most of your meals with him, if you didn’t split it with him – you usually paid for everything. You worked 2 jobs to afford being with him, and yet he had the audacity to say that you didn’t save well. He had the audacity to say that you weren’t good enough. Not everything was about money but with the way he treated you, you had no choice but to at least count your pennies. It’s all you had left. You already lost your confidence, your dignity, your integrity, were you going to lose your finances over a man too? Never again. Please, never again. Never spend money on a man who treats you like this, he never deserved you. If there was one truth he ever told it was that; he never deserved you.
Anytime you remember something like this about him, write it down, come back here and read everything back to yourself. You cannot take him back. You have to let go and leave him. He hurt you. He hurt you so badly and feels no remorse about it. He only cares about you when you’re in front of him. When you’re not there, you don’t exist. That’s not how you treat someone you love. You can’t be without someone you love. When someone loves you they’re genuinely concerned not hearing from you, it doesn’t have to be everyday or every moment in time but it does matter to them. When someone loves you, they will do anything for you. When someone loves you they genuinely want to make you happy, whatever it takes to do it. When someone loves you they don’t hurt you time and time again. When someone loves you, they don’t ignore you. When someone loves you, they fight for you. When someone loves you, they put the effort in. You deserve that. You deserve love. You deserve the love you gave and more.