Hi. I’m going to try to write my thoughts out while being high. Excuse me if I don’t make any sense.
Thoughts at 3:39pm: school. “Are you done school?” And honestly. Fuck me man. I’m not even close to done. Don’t even know what I’m doing. And right now it seems like I’m broke lost and confused for the prime years of my life. Poor, dependant. For years. When I just want to explore and find my self. I feel so restricted and tied down. Every year that I don’t finish school is another year being chained down to this place. The same place.
I’m not being negative. Or maybe I am. But it isn’t making me sad or depressed. It’s making me enraged. I should get out of my head now before my mood ruins entirely 😑.
4:07pm. Literally heading towards the 407etr. LOL.. Thinking about someone sexy right now. Mmmm. I’d love to give you head in this weather right now. This fucking breeze right now. Sucking that dick in broad daylight. Mmm.
16:34. I’m looking at the clock on the phone this time not the car. I’m not as high anymore. The girl we’re with smokes cigarettes. I don’t like that smell. We’re heading to Scarborough. Still haven’t started hiking yet. But I’m excited. We already smoked one backwood. We’re doing another when we get there.
16:42 operant conditioning. I responded to a bird call and not my name. I responded to a similar type of sound when the sound on my phone is turned on.
16:55 we’re near the Toronto zoo and I’m remembering how much I hate the zoo. It’s been one year since that Harambe incident. I don’t even know how I’d feel if I was in a bubbled environment out of my own control. On top of that being observed 24/7? Yeah I’d be provided with food and water, I wouldn’t need to hunt for resources. I wouldn’t have to do anything really. My life would be made into a perfect condition. But is condition what I want? I don’t know? Security. Stability… animals don’t have consciousness. So maybe it doesn’t matter to them. And I guess that doesn’t make captivity a terrible thing. Even people in jail. But on the other end captivity also caused major psychological problems. So do they have consciousness? I probably sound stupid af right now.
17:52. Zoo closed till further notice. Heading to Scarborough Bluffs. Getting kinda hungry. Thinking about deep fried food.
17:56. Yo the same shit that happened with _____ is happening with my friends right now. Except all they had to do was have a subtle conversation. She asked where the next intersection was. He looked at it, gave her the next turn. She asked “What next?” And he automatically told her the next turn and continued to direct her. She didn’t necessarily directly ask him for help. Just to pay attention for a quick second and then continue doing whatever else he was occupied with. It wasn’t a big deal. Idk why it was even such a big deal. You just get on my fucking nerves sometimes. You don’t read at all you just sit there and wait for things to happen. It’s like if you’re in the passenger seat assume paying attention as well, unless you want to give me the GPS and let me direct myself. I really don’t mind either way, but just be mindful. You don’t need anyone. You do everything on your own that it’s like you forget that I’m there sometimes. It’s absolutely lonely being with you sometimes cause you can be that cold. And feel that far away. Fuck I’m so contradicting.
18:08. He put the sound on the GPS. Smarter idea so that she doesn’t have to keep asking and he doesn’t have to slip up. Jsidirbduakaojtbruwua. Why do the stupidest things bother me holy shit. I need to be more aware of it.
19:15. I’m thinking about fucking you on the grass. My legs wide open and you just sliding right in. Grinding into me. Kissing me. Fucking so sexy.
19:46. Stuck in traffic. Trying to find a link. Life in the suburbs.