Letters

Who you are to me 

Dear _____,

Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t accept who you are and that’s why we couldn’t work things out. 

Here’s what I love about you flaws and all 🙂

  1. Your sense of humor 
  2. Your laugh 
  3. Your viewpoints 
  4. That you’re a picky eater 
  5. That you’re “boring” 
  6. That you’re a nerd 
  7. Your taste in music and film 
  8. Your knowledge of a myriad of things really 
  9. That you’re a handyman 
  10. That you lend a helping hand to friends and family whether it’s advice or helping them out of a rut
  11. That you internalize your problems – wish you reached out to me more – but I also admired you for it and aspired to be like you 
  12. How independent you are. To a fault 
  13. How selfish you are 
  14. Water hog 
  15. That you’re an idiot most times 
  16. That you’re probably never going to call me no matter how many times I ask because you just don’t like it 😂
  17. Your social anxiety is adorable 
  18. Your finger – enough said 
  19. That you suck at planning – like really suck. How long have you been thinking about doing stuff and never do it? 
  20. That you’re a simpleton – sure you’re not ambitious to be a millionaire but you definitely want to reach some personal comfort level – and I’m on the same page
  21. That you like to experiment 
  22. How mischievous you get when you’re bored 
  23. The games you play with me 
  24. The way you play with me in general 
  25. Your skill in “collaging” that one time 
  26. That your boredom gets you to try new things 
  27. The fact that you like to cook 
  28. How understanding you are 
  29. How great a listener you are 
  30. That you’re a realist – yes you’re a hard pill to swallow but it’s good for me – you’re medicine I don’t want but need 
  31. How misunderstood you are by so many people including me – it appeals to me in a way mostly because I wanted to understand you 
  32. How bad you are at explaining things 
  33. Also how good you are at explaining things 
  34. How you sometimes forget what you’re originally talking about when we have our talks in the car 
  35. How you claim you can eat, but you really can’t 😂
  36. The way you snore when you sleep beside me 
  37. How awkward you are 
  38. The way you dress 
  39. Your sense of style – even if you don’t really see it as anything I like it because of that cause I don’t really have ‘a sense of style either’ nor do I care 
  40. That you don’t care about a lot of things – and I vibe with that for the most part – of course this requires context 
  41. How polite you are 
  42. That you’re sweet 🤗 and kind and gentle 
  43. That you’re also rough and like to play fight 
  44. How much fun we have doing random shit like walking leisurely around a park 
  45. How much fun it is to go to a concert with you 
  46. Hiking with you is just as fun 
  47. The fact that you do stuff like meet my friends and family even though it makes you uncomfortable 
  48. The way you’d do things for me that you wouldn’t for anyone else 
  49. The way you’d get “mad” at me for texting and driving – cause if I die, you’ll kill me 
  50. The way you look when you’re confused 
  51. The way you help your sister like tech support 
  52. The way you’re always down to do whatever 
  53. How supportive you are of me 
  54. How much you’ve helped me find what makes me happy 
  55. “Welp” 
  56. The hundred different ways you have of saying goodbye on the phone 
  57. That you’re a weirdo 
  58. That you low key get jealous 
  59. That you’re a family man. That you want to have a family of your own someday – which to you is what life is all about 
  60. I’ve said it a billion times but for the sake of just focusing on who you are personality wise I won’t mention the fact that I’m physically attracted to every part of you.
  61. Your voice 
  62. Your sound effects 😂 the sighs and the wahs and all kinds of mumbles that come out of you instead of words 
  63. How you don’t like to be sticky – it’s either you’re super fresh or super dirty there’s no middle. I’m the same way 
  64. The way you don’t believe in breakfast and you just eat whatever the fuck you want when you wake up in the morning
  65. How you love to debate – and how many times I’ve lost said debates 
  66. That you procrastinate. A LOT 
  67. How comfortable you are just being home all the time – my little introvert 🤗
  68. I’ll probably never understand what it’s like to be you or what it’s like being an introvert but I’ve learned a thing or two
  69. That you’re incredibly smart but you’re also incredibly lazy – Yeah so what if it’s a flaw? When push comes to shove you get what you need to get done and that’s all that counts 
  70. Your addiction to the Internet 
  71. Your dependency on pills and adderall for your moods and headaches – “chemical solution to a chemical problem” you’d say. Which I don’t condone but I accepted it nonetheless 
  72. The face you make when you’re thinking 
  73. The way you take your time to think of what you’re going to say 
  74. How relaxed you are on the passenger seat – you lazy ass 😂 
  75. You can’t dance or sing for me 
  76. I’ll probably never catch you writing me poetry 
  77. I asked you for mixtape and I’ll probably never get the rest of the volumes 
  78. You’re forgetful about things you don’t care about 
  79. You rarely consider my feelings – and it’s fine. I move on 
  80. How you’ve been on so many near death driving experiences with me and still accept me 
  81. How horrible you are at taking photos and videos of us – I’m guilty of the same 
  82. How sleepy you get all the time 🙄 – cause obviously I’m the boring one 😂 
  83. Your shrugs 
  84. The lack of eye contact we have most times – I may have a part in that too actually 
  85. The way you’re scared of my mom 😂 and therefore scared of coming over 😢 
  86. How brutally honest you are. Like seriously brutal. 
  87. How you hate talking to people every day but you did it with me 
  88. The way you fuck me when you’re drunk 
  89. The way you take cold hard shots 
  90. The way you look when you take a toke- super sexy in my opinion 
  91. The way you try to live in the present – ie. Listening to drake or any new music that comes out to be in the moment 
  92. How you’re open to listening to the music I listen to 
  93. How you took notes about my personality type on a piece of paper 
  94. How ugly your penmanship is 😂❤
  95. How you let me be so so so mean to you and you just take it 
  96. How you’re a little bitch deep down 
  97. How you somehow keep busy an entire day at home doing lord knows what 🙇
  98. Your fake laugh – it’s so fake that it’s funny 
  99. The way you pretend like you’re going to beat my ass when I get home HAHAHAHAH 
  100. The way you try to slap my nonexistent ass, and miss 😂
  101. I like that you like playing sports – I wish I was as athletic as you in all honesty 
  102. How imaginative you are with sex positions – even if they don’t turn out as imagined 
  103. How you almost always try to tie my hair when I blow you but never get it quite right 
  104. The fact that you still can’t unhinge my bra ❤
  105. How completely unsuave we are in the car trying to get some 
  106. The way you put your fingers through my hair when it’s straight 
  107. The fact that you’re the best driver in _______ 
  108. How confident you are 
  109. How cold you can get towards me and not realize it – honestly it bothers me but never enough to stop loving you 
  110. How you’re not really interested in my culture or the religion I grew up with – and I look past it even though I wish you did take a little more interest in it – again, not something that’s a big deal and even if it is I accept it.
  111. How you’ll probably never be someone I can bring around friends but I really don’t give a fuck 
  112. How you are with your group of friends 
  113. How you became my best friend 😔

I really don’t know if I managed to bring out what I interpreted as your personality. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I love you for a lot more reasons than that; these are just a few things that come to mind. You’re not perfect. Neither am I. But I love you regardless. Yes I’m sad sometimes (if not most times) that you’re not romantic – in the sense that you don’t really care for the small things and you don’t try to nurture the idea of them either. And it sucks. It does suck. I wish you did care about that stuff a little more wish you weren’t so oblivious to the signs. But you’re right, it’s a part of who you are. I can wish for a lot of things but wishing you to change who you are of course warrants a break-up. I know it’s too much to ask of you personally. But don’t for a second think I didn’t like you for who you are. Because I do 😚. And I’m sorry that something like this broke it apart. 

You’re right, we want different things. But it was fun while it lasted. And even though I’m sad now, I’ll overcome it. I don’t want to keep going back and forth with you. If we’ve broken up for the second time there’s definitely something wrong. And I’ll just have to keep reminding myself to let it be. Fighting for you won’t help because I don’t think I’ll be happy. We’ll just go back to where we came from. It always seems hopeful and great when you rekindle with someone, almost the same feeling you get when you first get into a relationship with them. If it’s bad enough that we can’t work through it, and it’s better that we’re without each other, then so be it. We never really fought but whenever the going got tough we’d just get to this point. And I don’t want that either. 

In a way we’re even now. I’ve broken up with you. You’ve broken up with me. So I guess we’ll leave it at that. I hope you find someone that loves you for who you are. I wish I was that person, but I can’t wish to be that person and wish you to be another person at the same time. I wrote it all here instead of messaging you because I know everything I’ve said on here we’ve already touched on. There’s really no need for me to be bothering you especially when what you’re trying to do is cut me off. 

Who knows if you’re even still going to check up on this. I guess if I know you, you probably will. Just like you knew I’d get a notification whenever you tweet. (To be honest I totally forgot I that I turned that on). Maybe you forgot too but you definitely knew I’d see it. I guess another thing is our outlets. And how we both have access to looking at each other’s outlets. Is it even an outlet anymore if someone that I’m writing about reads it? It’s almost like subtweeting, except with no character limit. 

Anyway, Cya pal.

Yours truly, 

__________________________________

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